In which I do not have cancer...

Today I got “The Call” but plenty of other women didn’t, or they did, but didn’t hear what they desperately wanted to hear.  And so in one sense my path split off from my sisters – the umpire swung his hands and hollered “safe!”  But I have seen the ugly underbelly, and I know that I am not truly safe.  Nor are you, or you, or you or you or you.  There is a kinship, still, and my bruises have not yet faded.   I won’t forget these days of sisterhood, bound by the breast, the needle and our curious vulnerability.  But I am glad, so relieved, such a deep unwinding, that going forward I have heartbreak, but I am not, right now, facing cancer.  

After I got The Call and staggered through the rest of my day, I asked if anyone wanted to go to dinner and my new friend Patti Berryhill said yes because she has to celebrate a new job and so we went.  Her boyfriend Steve was there and we all talked about how I don’t have cancer but do have a divorce (next time I’ll just get officially married, then, since a breakup like this is a divorce whether you got to have a big party with presents or not) and how she is going to make $6600 more a year with more vacation days but have a longer commute and it was nice to fold my troubles into the larger fabric of life.

Patti’s boyfriend is a musician so after dinner we wandered over to the Fox Theater where they have the Wednesday night Redwood City Blues Jam and went in.  Patti is very sweet and introduced me to all her friends, but mostly I sat and watched the musicians, which I love to do.  I love how they grimace and twitch and sway, hunch over, splay out, I love how the music comes through them so strongly that they could. care. less.  what they look like or if they are cool or sexy in any given moment.  And so for those moments, I didn’t think of anything but that, transported by those, themselves transported by music.

I will become someone different.  I don’t know who she will be, what she will like to do.  What hours will she keep?  When will she come home and what will home look like?  It’s not a huge concern of mine right now, but I am definitely kind of curious.  Right now it’s wine o’clock, as it has been for so many hours lately (oops).  I am cancer-free, to the best of my knowledge, and that’s all I need to know.

Sky, Edgewood County Park.
Photo by m. sachs martin (I can't make the accent on my laptop).